When I first started investigating this lifestyle, I was quite sure I would be doing so from the outside looking in. Everything I read and saw indicated that “all” Doms were male, rich and 40 years old and “all” subs were female, skinny, and 20 years old. I was sure I had missed my chance as I had this triple whammy against me. Because “everybody” knows that people older than 50 can’t and don’t want to have sex anymore, never mind kinky sex. And “everybody” knows that fat girls sit at home alone and never have dates, let alone sex, since everyone only wants skinny girls with perky breasts and not a tummy, ass and saggy tits like mine. And “everybody” knows that anyone with any kind of disability never even thinks about having sex let alone wanting to be tied up and spanked! I actually bought into that mentality, for a very short time at least; I believed I could only indulge in D/s in my mind and fantasies with reading and writing erotica. I was pleasantly surprised to learn just how wrong I was.
Yes, I am old, er.. older (65, and growing younger every day).
Yes, I am fat, and after decades of battling this physically and mentality, I am finally learning to embrace my body as it is.. despite a therapist who recently tried to body shame and didn’t get away with it. It’s taken years to finally move from “not good enough” (no matter how much weight I lost) to be perfectly fine with my body just the way I am.
Yes, I am partially disabled and have been for 30 years after a near-fatal car accident almost caused me to lose my leg. But a brilliant surgeon was able to save it, although I do have a metal rod from knee to ankle holding it all together and I now I have to use a cane. I was warned at the time that I would be back in a wheelchair eventually because the damage was just too extensive to last very long. I know this is in my near future.
But I am pleased to see other people who are disable who are now speaking out for the same rights that others have enjoyed, and yes, that includes an active sex life, and yes, yes, yes, that includes kink.
I’m sorry that it took me so long to embrace all of these things. Unfortunately, for me and many like me, sex education was practically non-existent and we, especially women, consistently got the message that sex was an evil sin, not to be enjoyed by “good girls” (how happy I am that good girl means something so much more positive in this lifestyle), and was simply to be endured, for sake of marriage and children. I rebelled the in sex before marriage rule, although to be honest, I didn’t understand much about it and didn’t really enjoy it. So many wasted years. I now know it’s not too late and I’m trying to make up for lost time.
A book that I’m reading is called “The Best Sex Writing of the Year”. It’s an anthology of stories about sex and sex work and one of the most interesting was a sex worker who regularly worked with severely disabled men and what people think about them and their sexuality.
And last year Kinkly posted an article called “13 Myths About Sex and Disability”
It’s my hope that the younger generations will get much better sex education that what the older generations received… not only the mechanics of sex, but anatomy, emotions, relationships, responsibility and consent. And that every human being on this planet deserves and has the right to the fulfilling sex life.