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Purpose

When I first started investigating this lifestyle, I was quite sure I would be doing so from the outside looking in. Everything I read and saw indicated that “all” Doms were male, rich and 40 years old and “all” subs were female, skinny, and 20 years old. I was sure I had missed my chance as I had this triple whammy against me. Because “everybody” knows that people older than 50 can’t and don’t want to have sex anymore, never mind kinky sex. And “everybody” knows that fat girls sit at home alone and never have dates, let alone sex, since everyone only wants skinny girls with perky breasts and not a tummy, ass and saggy tits like mine. And “everybody” knows that anyone with any kind of disability never even thinks about having sex let alone wanting to be tied up and spanked! I actually bought into that mentality, for a very short time at least; I believed I could only indulge in D/s in my mind and fantasies with reading and writing erotica. I was pleasantly surprised to learn just how wrong I was.

Yes, I am old, er.. older (65, and growing younger every day).

Yes, I am fat, and after decades of battling this physically and mentality, I am finally learning to embrace my body as it is.. despite a therapist who recently tried to body shame and didn’t get away with it. It’s taken years to finally move from “not good enough” (no matter how much weight I lost) to be perfectly fine with my body just the way I am.

Yes, I am partially disabled and have been for 30 years after a near-fatal car accident almost caused me to lose my leg. But a brilliant surgeon was able to save it, although I do have a metal rod from knee to ankle holding it all together and I now I have to use a cane. I was warned at the time that I would be back in a wheelchair eventually because the damage was just too extensive to last very long. I know this is in my near future.

But I am pleased to see other people who are disable who are now speaking out for the same rights that others have enjoyed, and yes, that includes an active sex life, and yes, yes, yes, that includes kink.

I’m sorry that it took me so long to embrace all of these things. Unfortunately, for me and many like me, sex education was practically non-existent and we, especially women, consistently got the message that sex was an evil sin, not to be enjoyed by “good girls” (how happy I am that good girl means something so much more positive in this lifestyle), and was simply to be endured, for sake of marriage and children. I rebelled the in sex before marriage rule, although to be honest, I didn’t understand much about it and didn’t really enjoy it. So many wasted years. I now know it’s not too late and I’m trying to make up for lost time.

A book that I’m reading is called “The Best Sex Writing of the Year”. It’s an anthology of stories about sex and sex work and one of the most interesting was a sex worker who regularly worked with severely disabled men and what people think about them and their sexuality.

And last year Kinkly posted an article called “13 Myths About Sex and Disability”
https://www.kinkly.com/2/541/sex-tips/perspectives/…

It’s my hope that the younger generations will get much better sex education that what the older generations received… not only the mechanics of sex, but anatomy, emotions, relationships, responsibility and consent. And that every human being on this planet deserves and has the right to the fulfilling sex life.

 

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Nicknames

There was a discussion on Fetlife about how we decided on our screennames or online nicknames.

This is how I came up with mine.

My full nic is Rosebud Bliss, but I usually shorten it to Rose.

Bliss is taken from my 6th great-grandmother’s name which was Experience Bliss. I’ve been intrigued with her and her name since I was 15.. I always thought it was a strange name for a women in the 1600’s, as it sounded like a stripper’s name. So when I was looking for a kinky nic, using her surname, at least, seemed like a good idea. I was thinking using her full name was a little too obvious.

Rosebud came from a lover who described my pussy as a rosebud and he started calling me that, and it stuck. I kind of liked it.

1rosebud

 

 

 

The 14 Characteristics Of A Sexually Confident Woman

I was excited to see this article last year. Finally! Women who enjoy sex without apology are being recognized. It took me years, decades to admit, even to myself, that I was a sex-positive woman and that didn’t make me a slut, other than to the dominant to whom I was submitting.

After all those years of hearing women needed to be coy and hard to get and never admit to anyone that they enjoyed sex of any kind. Forget kinky sex. Only whores and sluts did that. Bullshit. Okay, well, maybe I am a slut. I now embrace that term positively.

How are some of the items on the list that I personally agreed with and related to…

1. Women who not only enjoy their sexuality, but actively pursues erotic and sensual pleasures.

2. Women who do not feel dependent on their partner for the expression of their sexuality.

3. Women who are confident about their relationship with their own body.

4. Women who have an understanding or desire to understand sex skills — and have cultivated the belief that they are “good at sex” and they seek out information to give themselves more sexual self confidence and expression.

5. Women who think about sex and are curious about sex.

6. Women who have a sense of their sexual anatomy; they self pleasure and enjoy touching their own bodies.

7. Women who explore the world of sexual fantasy and adventure as well as cultivate these qualities in themselves.

9. Women who rejected the traditional shaming leverages that society has often used to keep women attached to the idea that sex is something that they can ONLY feel and express in a committed “love relationship.”

10. Women who do not judge “casual sex.”

11. Women who are able to express their “Yes” and their “No.”

12. Women who are able to hold their erotic boundaries.

13. Women who are supportive of other women having pleasure in their own lives.

14. Women who don’t shame other women for how they dress or for their body size.

I only missed one… this one:

8. Women who express themselves as a sexual being by the clothes they wear.

Because, frankly, I dress for comfort, or I don’t dress at all!! And to be honest I’m the most comfortable wearing nothing at all.1bodypositive

The 14 Characteristics Of A Sexually Confident Woman

By Pamela Madsen

On the Huffington Post

Sexually Confident Women

 

 

 

National Novel Writing Month

Every year, for the past 15 years or so, I participate in National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write 50,000 words during the 30 days of November. Sometimes I make it, often I don’t, but it’s always a great experience.

Two years ago I started a book called “The Book of Life; It’s Not a Fairy Tale”, although I may end up changing the title. It essential a sexy, kinky story about Little Red Riding Hood, but the difference is that the wolf is a Sadistic werewolf, patterned after an obnoxious Dom I once knew and Red ends up getting the upper hand and gets back at the Wolf royally.

Yes, I am a submissive, but sometimes my control freak nature comes out when it’s needed.

The story really was inspired by this picture….

1eroticredridinghood

This was a Polyvore set I created as an illustration of what a badass the main character  Zandra (Red) was. The setting is medieval England about 1200CE.

1ZandraRedRidingHood

Just a little excerpt of my story…

Zandra woke up, feeling cold, sore and stiff. It took a few minutes for her to realize that she was shackled to a brick wall in a cellar, her hands in metal cuffs attached securely to the wall above her head. She suddenly realized that she was naked. And very alone.

Slowly, the memories came flooding back. She remembered a lovely meal of stewed lamb, potatoes, herbs, parsnips, carrots and leaks with a rich gravy, a rich rye bread and a delicious ale. No matter who this man was, he was quite skilled in the kitchen. But then she realized he was quite skilled in other areas of as well, and those memories made her blush. Until she remembered what had led up to where she now found herself and then she got angry.

She remembered the room around her started to get fuzzy and swayed back and forth… she felt warm, dizzy and sleepy. She vaguely remembered the man coming towards her with a very large knife. She was sure he was going to stab her with it, but instead he slit her beautiful doe skin dress straight down the middle and pulled it off of her, leaving it in a puddle at her feet.

After what seems like forever, the man appears and calmly walks over to her. Zandra is now frightened and starts to shiver. The man reaches over to her and strokes her cheek on her face. She feels the roughness of his hands as she touches her face. With one finger, his touch moves down her chin, lightly grazing her throat and down between her breasts. He lingers for a moment, while his hand spreads out in the space between her breasts until he moves his hand under one and gently cubs the breast in his hand.

Zandra closed her eyes. She had never been naked before a man before. She has rarely been naked at all. It just wasn’t done.

“Good morning sweet slave.”

Derek squeezes Zandra’s breast with his fingers and she gasped at the pain and opened her eyes to find herself eye to eye with the handsome woodsman. While he squeezed, he ran his thumb back and forth over the nipple feeling it get hard. Zandra gasped again, but this time not in pain, but in arousal and desire. She was shocked at her feelings about having his hands on this part of her body.

His hand released her breast and his fingers trailed down her stomach and abdomen until he stopped just before her pubic area. Zandra panicked and tried to wiggle away from Derek’s grasp, but he shoved his leg in between hers and held her tight.

His face broke into a leering smile that unnerved Zandra and she shivered more. He pushed his fingers down into her pubic hair pulled on each strand one by one, tugging then. Zandra closed her eyes and moaned, feeling betrayed by her body.

Weaving his fingers into the hair, he pushed them further down until he just touched the entrance to her secret opening. Zandra cried out in protest and he put his other hand over her mouth.

“Shhh”, he cautioned. “Be quiet.”

 

 

 

 

Nudity and Sex

In my family, both nudity and sex was seen as pretty normal and straight forward… I’ve already written about how my parents casually kept my father’s Playboy magazines and my mother’s Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogs basically in plain site. Both were the beginnings of my knowledge about sex, other than the traumatic events of being molested as a child and being raped as a teenager.

As a small child, it was common for us three children to run around the house and backyard completely naked. My mother practically lived in a leopard skin bikini. My parents were beatniks, that is, until we moved to a new house and they found respectability. And my sister and I started to grow up and develop.

We were not actually talked to by our parents about sex, we were handed a book and told to read it and talk to them if we had any questions. They knew that never was going to happen. Although my mother was a very sexy woman in looks and worked at looking sexy, in reality she hated sex and that mentality came to us girls loud and clear. My father, too, had a change of heart about what his daughters were expected to do. He was an atheist who still subscribed to the biblically-taught Christian submission of women. My father was a Dominant and my mother a submissive, even if they never used those terms. I’m quite sure that it was my mother’s dislike of sex that caused my father to find other women for that need. I certainly don’t fault him for that.

But I do fault him with having a double standard mentality when it came to sex. When it was clear that my boyfriend and I were sexually active at age 19 and then moved in together, my father was angry. Yet, when a few months later, he left my mother and moved in with his girlfriend, who was my age, he couldn’t see the hypocrisy of it.

In spite of all of this negative feedback that I got from my parents, from the church, from school, from friends about sexuality and nudity, none of it really took away my fascination with being nude; in art as well as life. I did go through a phase of needing to be totally covered; bra, panties, girdle, stockings or pantyhose, slip, dress… I do think this was more due to society input rather than personal desire. Now I wear none of that and even more than before, enjoy being naked myself and love looking at nudity in art forms.

I guess I’ve come full circle…

The first two paintings are by Edgar Degas, the third by Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec and the last one by Cala Koopman