Sex Over 50

I wrote this four years ago… for a site I use to be very active on.

I’ve thought about writing about this for some time. I’m absolutely amazed that for a site about hippies, where the original hippies from the 60’s and 70’s, who are now in their 60’s and 70’s, age wise, that there is so much judgment and mocking about people who over the age of 50. Especially when it comes to sex. I just read an article that basically said the same thing as to what I was thinking… “Why is it that the younger generation still have the misconception that anyone over the age of 40 does not, or cannot, have sex?”

On this site there were two comments about “older people” and sex, like what are they doing on Saturday nights (in regards to sex and sex toys) and laments about dreading about getting old. I wrote a comment about it that was pretty much ignored, and I’m sure this will be too. But I’m going to post my thoughts anyway. [It wasn’t ignored and in fact apparently struck a nerve.. this article received over 19,000 hits]

In every generation, people think that when they turn 20 years old (or 16, or 13) and they discover sex, that they are the first to ever do so and no one has ever experienced fucking like they have, that previous generations never had it like this and they just will never understand! Yeah, right. Yes, I know, we did too… there was a motto in the 60’s that said “Never trust anyone over 30.” It made sense at the time, but we never dreamed that time would go by so quickly and we would suddenly BE over thirty!! There is a line a movie that says, “We didn’t create sex, we just perfected it”. This could be a great motto for baby boomers; those of us born between 1946 and 1964. Sex is nothing new. I know that. I knew that then, as most people did.

I also realized that in previous generations not everyone waited until after marriage to lose their virginity. My family history is proof of this as more than half of the women in my family were pregnant on their wedding day and gave birth to 9lb premature babies 5 months after the wedding. Sure. My grandmother even use to tell me about her sexual escapades in the 1920’s, including having sex with her boyfriend in her bedroom while her sister slept in the next bed!!

But in the late 1960’s to the early 70’s, a sexual revolution took place. This led to the pill to help prevent pregnancy, women’s lib, the acceptance and encouragement of pre-marital sex (especially by Helen Gurley Brown and Cosmo Magazine), bra burning, rights to abortion and pro-choice, erotica in literature (which wasn’t new in the 60’s, but has now became more mainstream and accepted as well as porn), chants of free love and make love not war, the acceptance that women actually liked (loved?) sex, among other things that were considered scandalous and controversial at the time.

Except they really weren’t. Many of these things had been around for a long time. But the baby boomers as a group were so big and accepted and advocating all of these things so vocally that it seemed new. It was everywhere and literally in your face. Which comes back to that movie quote.. in many ways we did perfect sex and opened the door for future generations to do so even more, which they have.

So, what happened? When did baby boomers and hippies suddenly get old? Actually, we didn’t. It’s just perception of those who are younger. Which is not only sad, but very frustrating. For some reason anyone under 40 believe the things that they see in TV and magazine ads. That older people are just sitting around in rocking chairs, waiting to die.

Wrong.

We are going to concerts rocking to classic rock (remember Jimmie Page just turned 70), we are writing books, we are running businesses, and some us are happily retired, we are still questioning things in society, protesting wars, looking out for the environment, challenging religious teachings, and yes, we are having awesome, hot, erotic, and kinky sex (including whips and handcuffs). And it’s not just those of us in our 50’s, 60’s and 70’s.

Which reminded me a lady I met at the doctor’s office not long ago. I was looking a magazine when she sat down next to me. There was an ad on the page the magazine was open to for a Trojan vibrator. She looked over my shoulder and giggled. When I looked at her, she pointed to the ad and said, “I just got one of those..” My mouth must have dropped because she added… “yep, I’m 89 and my boyfriend is 81 and we got one to spice up our sex life. That’s why I’m here.. to make sure everything is okay ‘down there’…” Then she giggled and turned red. She went on to tell me that if the staff knew half of the sex that was going on at the retirement home where she lived, they would be shocked. She asked if I was shocked and I said, “No! Encouraged!!”

Sex doesn’t end because we get old. It stops for a 100 other reasons, all that can affect anyone of any age. My dad likes to say that only our bodies get old, but our brains don’t… we are whatever age we think we are. And since the brain is the biggest sex organ we have, it makes sense that sex can continue for as long as we want. Sure, we might need help in certain areas, but there are so many products that can help from Viagra to lubricants to sex toys. There just is no excuse to not continue fucking as long as you want. Of course, there are things that happen that cause people to lose their sex drive, but that can happen at any age. I spent 8 years battling cancer and 13 years as a drug addict (now 3 years drug free after being addicted to prescription drugs) and I learned first hand that these two things are the worst things for your sex life. I had come to the conclusion, like so many even younger than myself, that sex was over for me; I believed the doctor when she told me that having a hysterectomy would end my sex life and now I had an excuse to not have it. And I bought into the idea that as an older person, medications were needed to keep my healthy and therefore inhibit my sex drive. I couldn’t have been more wrong. An amazing thing happened as I was going though withdrawal after two years of tapering down from 23 different drugs to zero… my libido came roaring back with a vengeance. Whoa, what a revelation!! And a very happy surprise.

Since then, I’ve been reading about and talking to others about sexuality after 50. I’ve learned (and discovered) some very interesting things.

The clitorius actually gets bigger and more sensitive with age. Alright!!

Women tend to have more orgasms as they age, they get more explosive and are more likely to have multiple orgasms compared to when they are younger. I found this to be true.

Also older women often need less foreplay before they cum and can orgasm several times during foreplay.

Older women tend be less inhibited than when they were younger, having a more “what the fuck” attitude and not worrying about what other people will think.

We also tend to be more adventurous and willing to try new positions, new experiences (toys, spanking, bondage, anal sex, porn) and new ideas.

We are less concerned with how someone looks and more concerned with attitude.

We also are less concerned with age; our own as well as our sexual partners.

Often, we are finished with work, no longer have parenting responsibilities, have more time and money than when we were younger and feel a whole lot more playful.

Older people tend to suddenly discover the freedom of being naked, although younger people still think this is due to a mental illness. I think it’s more that we have finally become fed up with society’s rules about nudity and we are going to damn well do what we want!

Are these things you would really dread? Seriously??

So, what can you do to make sure you continue having sex beyond your forties and fifties?

1. Attitude. If you think you can, you will. If you expect that your sex life will end when you “get old” (whatever age that is; for some it’s 60, for some it’s 30), then it probably will and no wonder you dread it.

2. Think young. Play. Listen to the music you grew up with. Sing. Dance. Laugh. Tell dirty jokes. Shock people. Say “Fuck” a lot.

3. Watch out for drugs and medications. Based on my experience, the things I’ve read, talking to my doctor and my friends, medications is the number reason why people lose their sex drive and for older people it’s even worse. For some reason doctors believe that being on drugs will prevent bad things from happening. But it’s just the opposite. I know in some instances drugs are an evil necessity. But drugs have side effects. All of them do. There is no such thing as a safe drug. And too many doctors are like drug pushers. If a drug has a side effect that causes problems, they give you another drug to deal with that side effect, which causes another side effect, which means they want to give you another drug and it becomes a vicious cycle. Everything that the doctors said would happen to me after I stopped taking all of the drugs they insisted I needed, never happened. In fact, I am healthier now than I was when I was in my 40’s. One of my biggest regrets is that it took me so long to realize this.

4. Do your own research about medications to see if you really need them or if the pharmaceutical companies are just trying to make money off of you. Often you don’t need them at all or there are alternatives that you can use or do instead.

5. Start moving around again, if you don’t already. After years of doing nothing because I was curled up in pain, I am starting to workout again. I’m already seeing more energy and flexibility which is helping my sex life.

6. Think about sex, talk about sex, read about sex, sext with others, look at pictures of sex (yes, there is nothing wrong with that at all), take “matters” in your own hands (nothing wrong with that either). If you wait until you hop (or crawl) into bed to try to get into the mood, chances are it ain’t going to happen. I also make a habit of posting dirty jokes to my Facebook friends, which delights my grandchildren. Yeah, they know that grandma has a dirty mind and a foul mouth, but they also know that grandma has hair down to her ass, wears rings on all of her fingers, sings along with Def Leppard and the Eagles and Metallica at the top of her lungs and isn’t just sitting in a rocking chair waiting to die.

7. Question your religious teachings. I mean seriously, don’t just buy into them because that’s the way you raised and have been told “that’s the way we’ve always done it”. At this age, you should have enough knowledge and experience to look at those teachings more objectively. And if you don’t, get more of both. The damage that religion (of all kinds) has done about sex education, masturbation, sexual positions, and sexual desire is so extensive. You can still believe and practice your religion without being made to feel guilty and shameful for a human condition that is perfectly natural.

8. Lastly, enjoy life.. In whatever way that means to you. Open your mind. Be accepting and try to not judge others. Just because something isn’t your cup of tea, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Try new things, make new friends, go new places, reexamine your beliefs and ideas, learn new lessons and if this includes having sex at every opportunity, no matter what your age, then jump on it, baby!!! And for those who are in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s… don’t blink, because you will be us sooner than you think.

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