Aftercare Kit

The first time I experienced subdrop, I was alone and not received any aftercare. I’ve since created my own aftercare kit based on ideas I found online. What you add to yours will depend on your needs and preferences.

Hot shower with lavender or juniper shower gel
Soft robe, nightgown or blanket
Comfort food (juice, tea, toast, mac and cheese, ice cream, chocolate)
Arnica gel
Funny movie
Relaxing soothing music
Hand cream (I have three kinds I love; lavender, grapefruit and lemon)
Journal and pen
Coloring book and crayons
Crossword puzzles
Crying, if needed


Good Girl

The first time he said “good girl” to me, I was aroused. That surprised me. I was a feminist, I was a leader and a control freak. Why would I want to kneel before a man and hear him say “good girl” to me?  I was a woman, not a young girl. But when he said it, I felt like a girl.. a young girl. Maybe for the first time in my life.



Enough is Enough: Inspired by Michelle Obama’s Powerful Speech

I watched Michelle Obama’s Enough is Enough speech and I found my voice. Three years of studying sexuality to help understand both why my sex drive came back as well as the mentality of my abuses and what is needed to change things, is finally paying off. While I’ve discovered that many more men in the kinky community understand respect and consent, there is a whole lot of vanilla men who just don’t get it. I’m spending a lot of time writing long messages to men on Facebook who say women are over-reacting and that “it really can’t be as bad as you all are saying”. But that’s just it. We all are saying it. Women I’ve known since high school are sharing their deeply hidden secrets. Not just a few either, a whole lot of them. In most cases, I’ve never heard these stories, and I’ve been shocked and saddened by them. One right after another keeps posting, “it happened to me too”, or “I’m a member of this club as well.” Maybe this is the catalyst we needed to enact change. Maybe we needed someone so bad and evil that it finally woke people up. I know it’s going to be an uphill battle for four reasons.

1. Christians have had control over people’s thoughts, beliefs and actions for 15 years. Now, in this country, Christians are at a minority, at just 45% saying they are religious and Christian. This is going to make them fight even harder for their way of life, with the war on Christmas being a central theme. They still want to blame all of the world’s woes on Muslims, Atheists, Pagans and Gays.

2. The white race in this country has always been the controlling, dominate race, who basically outnumbered blacks, Asians, Native Americans, Hispanics, and middle eastern races. That is changing, not only with more non-white citizens, but mixed race citizens growing fast.

3. Straight people have also been the primary group, with LGBT being considered second class citizens, who were suppose to stay in the closet and was the butt of jokes and slurs. With Gay Pride and Same Sex Marriage legal, and relationships like polyamory becoming more main stream, that is shifting as well. Although there is still discrimination, gender identity is becoming more accepted.

4. Men.. and this is the biggest one. Even before Christianity, in most societies, men made the rules and women were considered property, except for some cultures like the Norse, Celtic, some Asian, many African and a few Native American which were either equal in rights or female led. So basically 3,000 years of men being in charge. Since women had no rights and were bought and sold, men thought they had the right to use them as they wished. The Christian church adopted that and capitalized on it, making women sex slaves. Now, this is completely different than the power exchange given by consent in BDSM. While my Dom owns me, it’s by my own choice, not because I was forced to do so by my father, society or the church. Unfortunately , the vanilla world just doesn’t get that. How much easier it would be if those who want to be Dominate could do so by consent with someone who wants to submit, instead of forcing it by demand. I’ve read dozens of articles that say kinky sexual relationships are healthier because of the high level of communication, respect and consent.

Now you put all four of these together; white, Christian, straight men, with a sense of righteous entitlement, and you have Donald Trump and men like him who follow his every word. Unfortunately, you also have browbeaten women who gush about how wonderful he is because they have never been allowed to think for themselves. In everything I’ve read, from both sides, both pro-Trump and anti-Trump, it appears that women are voting for him because their father, husband or boyfriend is, and they either are told to do so or want to impress the man in their life.

These men are not going to take a loss lightly. They will blame everyone from Hillary Clinton to Satan to gays to Muslims/Blacks/Hispanics to all women. And they will retaliate.. with using the guns that Trump has assured them they have the right to use on anyone they don’t like or who doesn’t agree with them, to assaulting women and girls and every other men, because they simply have the right to have sex with anyone they want. Trump wants to “punish” everyone; women who have abortions, media who say things that he doesn’t like, other countries by limiting imports of food and gas, and threatening other countries unless they bow down to Emperor Trump.

Now if my Dom came up and grabbed my pussy, I wouldn’t have a problem with that… at all!! But that’s because I have given myself to him. He has control over my body, my sexuality and my orgasms because I want that. But if Trump came up and tried that, he would have to have his tiny hands holding his tiny dick after I kicked him in the balls and shoved my cane up his ass.

The Response To Trump’s Alleged Victims Is Why Women Don’t Come Forward

I have avoided talking about this election for one main reason.. I feel everyone has the right to decide for themselves in their choices in life; what to believe, what to eat, what to read, what to wear, how to live and who to vote for.

But this election has taken the nastiest turn of all and it’s one that I just can’t ignore anymore. One man who wants to be president seems to think that women are there just for his pleasure. Their needs and wants don’t matter. He can say and do whatever he wishes about them, to them and he does and then gets upset when someone calls him on it; says they are just “words” but has a fit when the New York Times refuses to take down their words.


After watching Michelle Obama’s moving speech, I totally agree with her: Enough is Enough!!!
This society has a way of victim-blaming and victim-shaming, which is why so few women report the assaults, sometimes never telling another living soul. I know that from experience. I was molested, assaulted and raped by four males who decided they had the right to use me in anyway they wished, starting age three.

When I was a 14, a so-called boyfriend also beat the crap out of me each day before he raped me.

I kept these secrets for 50 years!!

My parents, my best friend, my boyfriends, never knew. The memories were triggered when I got cancer, had chemo and lost my hair. I ended up in a nervous breakdown due to the trauma of these memories. Vivid details came flooding back. I was able to get therapy to deal with and five years later, I’m better, but still angry and fighting it.

Just recently I was told by a man that I didn’t know my place and he should be the one to show me what it was.

I AM a sexual submissive, but I submit to whom I want, when I want, not by the demand of some entitled prick who doesn’t understand or believe in consent. I am a people pleaser, but I will not be a doormat for anyone.

These stories of Trump’s assaults just brings it all back for me and every other rape victim that has had to endure this kind of treatment, attitude and sense of male entitlement. I had hoped that by now, we as a society would be a little bit more knowledgeable and enlightened about sexuality, consent and respect. But that doesn’t seem to be the case. In 50 years, nothing has improved, it’s only gotten worse. I experience sexual harassment at school, at work, and in, of all places, theology school.. I had expected more of the so-called holy men, but they just proved they were the original good ole boy network.

If a man says something didn’t happen, everyone believes him. If a woman, or two, or ten or 50 come forward and say it did, everyone demands proof.

It’s the people who support his behavior and attitude that surprise me the most. A senator came out in support of Trump insisting that grabbing a woman by the pussy is NOT sexual assault, but entirely a man’s right and privilege to do so. Another senator who said that if women breast-fed in public, men had the right to pull on grab women’s breasts in public to “punish her”. Trump has said that women who get abortions should be punished, although it was because of a man, she became pregnant to begin with. Men, especially the conservative Christian right, demand that women not have access to birth control or abortion, but they still have the right to Viagra and to fuck any woman or girl they wish.

As more and more men come out and agree with Trump, (even sadder still, are the women who do), and feel that they now have a blanket permission slip to do whatever they want to women, whenever they want; reports of rape is just going to go up (and already are).. if any actually do report, and majority of women don’t, simply because of this attitude.

Trump has no respect for women, considers them good for only one thing. He fears women who have autonomy, intelligence and strength and tries to bully them to make them back down. Many other misogynists will start to follow his example.

His political campaign has already pushed progress backwards, and now his followers want to repeal the 19th Amendment to take away all of women’s rights. One of the scariest parts of all of this, is even when Trump loses the election, his followers with this mentality will still be out there. Trump gave them that blanket permission slip to think, talk and act this way and it’s going to be like opening Pandora’s box.

I thought it was just the racism where Trump encourages his followers to hurt others that don’t live up to their expectations and which will translate into shooting anyone they don’t like; whether it’s race, religion, gender identity, or lifestyle. I believe that’s going to happen no matter what happens on election day.. either they will harm people in celebration or harm people in retaliation. And sexually abusing and assaulting others, especially women, but also children and some men, will part of that scenario.

Enough is enough!! This kind of mentality is not only dividing this country, but it’s pushing the economic gap further a part and now the gender gap even more so. I don’t know how anyone can expect to have a loving marriage or relationship when there is no respect. Even of these men don’t have daughters, sisters, wives, or girlfriends, they surely have a mother. Is this the way they would want their mother to be treated? If so, then they are a sorry example of “man”kind, and of the human race.

Nothing can be done to change Donald Trumps attitude or behavior, he is convinced he is god and can do no wrong. But I still have hope for the rest of society. The irony of those who follow this so-called man, is that they think he is doing this for them, but if he was ever elected, he would turn on them on a heartbeat. There is a reason he loves the “poorly-educated people”… his words, not mine. But remember.. they are just words.