As children, we look forward to certain events… we anticipate the excitement and the fears of our own birthday parties (what kind of gifts will I get, what if no one comes?), of Christmas (everything about it, and when will it get here?) and even the first day of school (getting all those school supplies together, planning on what to wear the first day and what if no one likes me?). The anticipation of these things is both inspiring and terrifying.

In a D/s relationship, subs have that same sense of excitement and fears in anticipation of what their Dom/me has planned for them. Most Dom/mes don’t reveal what their plans are for their sub whether it’s a task or play session. It’s the erotic anticipation that makes it so arousing.

When a Dom/me directs you to “go put on….” you know that something exciting is probably coming next. Not knowing what it is intensifies the arousal. Anticipation can be thought of as a form of foreplay, something that even vanilla couples can engage in to help make their sex life “naughty”. If a man tells his partner.. “I would like you to go to work without wearing panties”, and she responds positively, it leaves them both with a heighten anticipation of what might happen after work. If that anticipation is built on through out the day with sexy little texts, suggestions and innuendo, both partners will be so hot by the end of the day, it will be all they can do to wait to get home. Most D/s couples know this and capitalize on these ideas to keep sex play new and exciting. It’s the combination of the unknown and fantasy that makes it work so well.

Too may couples, vanilla and kinky, seem to think that sex can be turned on and off like a light switch. But in reality, that is rarely the case, especially for most women. We need that attention, thought, communication, intrigue and sensual detail that all builds up the anticipation. The more and better the anticipation, generally, the more satisfying the sex is.


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