Pony Play

 

It’s taken me a long time to get into the idea of pet play, of any kind. I still can’t deal with the idea of being someone’s pet pig or cow… but the idea of a kitten or pony has suddenly become appealing to me. I think it all started from butt plugs with tails. At first I thought that was even ridiculous, but the more I thought about them and looked a pictures of them, the more I liked the idea. I did like butt plugs in general and I thought the idea of tail too might be fun. It helped having my then Dominant tell me that I’d look adorable wearing a tail and a collar and leash and nothing else.

So of course, the pony’s tail butt plug would be the first thing I’d want to get, with a collar and leash second. And pony’s need a halter, a bit (in this case a bit gag) and nipple clamps with bells attached. Because this is all just for show… instead of blinders, a black satin blindfold.

Yes, I think I could get into this.

Not Able to Write

It’s been over a month since I’ve visited my blog, much less written anything. The day after my last post, a close family member attempted suicide and I am now caring for him. While this has nothing directly with sexuality, all of this has done a number on my sex drive. So many things I took for granted, including my own needs, have now taken a backseat to more pressing problems. I’ve literally gotten a crash course on mental health, involuntary commitment and suicide prevention. The person I am caring for is doing well, and with hope and a shitload of work on his part, I think he will come out this fairly well. But the ball is in his court now… he has to want to live.

Girl on Girl Experiences

I had two experiences with sex with women, both when I was 25.

The first one was when I went to Canada for the weekend with Pawell, my gay male roommate. We spent the first night bar hopping… straight bars, gay bars, lesbian bars. At the last one, which was a lesbian bar, we started talking to several girls. One hit it off with me and we chatted for about an hour.

I have always appreciated beautiful women.. but it’s as much their attitude and personality as well as their looks. This girl was stunning. She had long cocoa brown hair that cascaded down her back in waves and huge brown eyes with long, long eyelashes. I was captivated by her eyes first and then her very musical voice. She laughed musically too. She was a contrast to me… I had just had my hair cut a shoulder length bob that curved down around my throat. One of Pawell’s friends was studying to be a beautician and often practiced on me. I learned to get over being ticklish as he practiced foot massages on my feet, and he colored, cut and styled my hair over and over again. Fortunately, my hair grew fast so he could do lots of styles and cuts. At this point, my hair was a strawberry blond and I loved the color and style. But I was green with envy at this girl’s long wavy brown hair. I don’t remember her name, so I’ll just call her Amy.

Amy was wearing the popular bell bottom pants in a white silky material and a short matching top that wrapped and tied around her waist. I was wearing pink bell bottom pants and a pink and white striped tube top and matching cardigan sweater. Neither of us were wearing bras but we both had on white bikini panties.

We first started talking about clothing and then about hair, admiring each others. When Pawel said I looked like a walking strawberry milkshake, Amy practically drooled and said I looked delicious. That was my first indication that she was interested in me and I was intrigued by that idea.

We talked about the differences of living in the US and Canada, about drinking, about apartments and decorating, about men and women, and made fun of Pawel and gay men.

Before long the discussion turned to sex and she learned that I was straight but open to new experiences. She suggested that we all go back to her apartment, which we did. Before long, she invited me into her bedroom. She could tell I was nervous and told me to not worry, just relax and she would take care of everything, however, if I felt like I wanted to do anything to go for it. Because of my nerves, I took a minute to look around her room.. it was all white and dark mahogany.. A large wooden bed with four posters but no canopy. The walls were typical apartment white, and the two dressers were also white. The bedspread was also white. It felt very clean and business like.

She asked me to take my clothes off and although incredibly nervous, I did, probably much faster than she wanted, but she didn’t say anything about it. Then she stripped too. We were about the same age and about the same size, but her tits were huge.

She asked me to lie on my back and I did. She sat next to me and took my hand in hers and with some hand lotion massaged my right hand. I was surprised but it felt really good. She did my other hand and then moved down to my feet and massaged them as well. This was totally unexpected but it made me feel very relaxed. She then asked me to roll over and she gave me a great back massage and I was becoming totally relaxed. This is not what I expected when she asked me into her bedroom… until her hands ended up on my ass. It felt so good, but now I was getting very nervous.

She told me to relax and said that if at any time I didn’t like what she was doing, to say so and she would stop. I just nodded.

She then asked me to roll back over to my back again and I did. She leaned down to kiss me and her lips felt so soft and her breath so sweet. I could taste the wine she had been drinking. Her hands moved down to my breasts and she cupped them gently and rubbed them softly, not rough and hard like most men did. I could feel my body respond to her.

Her mouth moved down to my tits and pushed them together and took both nipples into her mouth at the same time. An old boyfriend use to do that too and I loved it. She moved back to kiss me again, and I wanted to touch her big boobs, so I reached out and touched them and stroked them lightly. They were so soft. Before I knew it I was sucking on her nipples too.

She then moved down between my legs and and her fingers and tongue were in my pussy and on my clit and I had an experience I rarely had… an orgasm.

I must have had too much to drink because I fell asleep and woke up a while later. She was asleep next to me and my roommate was asleep on the couch.

My other experience was with my friend Ellie. Her roommate, Gary, was a friend of my roommate, Pawell (same one as above), so Ellie and I started doing things together.. lunches out, movies, out for coffee or late night drinks.

One day we had gone out for lunch and she mentioned she loved looking at beautiful women. Up to that point I hadn’t known that Ellie was bi-sexual. She looked at me and said that I was one of them.. a beautiful woman. I blushed, since I never thought of myself as beautiful, cute maybe, never beautiful. But Ellie was gorgeous! Tall (5’9 to my 5’4), brunette, dark blue eyes, long eyelashes, a great figure… everything I was not. Gary and Pawell both worked with me at the phone company, so Ellie invited me over to her house for a drink. She made us White Russians and sat down next to me and asked if I would be offended if she said she was attracted to me. I said no. She asked if she could kiss me and I said yes. Before I knew it we were making out. We stripped down to panties and bras and she used a vibrator on me several times. We never had a chance to do anything after that. Soon after Pawell went postal and threatened me and I moved away. I never saw Ellie again.

Seduction, Witches & Long Hair.

When I first started investigating Paganism and Witchcraft, one of the first things I heard was the stories about witches and long hair. I had actually heard this when I was a devout practicing Christian, and it was why many Christian denominations insist that woman cover their bodies and their hair.

This article posted on Elephant Journal reminded me of that. My hair has always been long, since I was a child. Only a few times have I cut it short, but it never stayed that way very long, because my hair tends to grow quickly. Or it use to. This is my hair before I had cancer and chemo and went bald for a year. It’s taken 6 years for it to grow back and sadly, it’s no longer this thick.

1mylonghair

When I turned my back on the church and embraced being a witch, I also embraced the idea of sexuality and being sex-positive as well and taught my daughter the lessons I wished I had learned when I was her age. She also embraced a form of Paganism, although not wanting to give up her Christian beliefs, so she became a Christian-Wiccan. But she did reject the notion of “saving herself” for marriage and I’m very glad she did. She fell in love with a boy and, being very responsible, she entered into a sexual relationship with him. Because we were very close, she told me, in detail, about her sex life. I shared this story with others and have been soundly criticized for it. “How could a loving mother encourage her daughter to have sex before marriage!!” Man, those Christian guilt-trips are alive and well, aren’t they?

I don’t believe in the concepts of “virginity” or “pre-marital sex”. Virginity is an idea that mankind created to control the actions of others, especially women, because a “virgin” was suppose to hold more value as a wife. Bullshit. This is male fantasy at it’s worst. And it’s not “pre-marital sex” if you never get married!!

For my daughter, that was the case. She died 6 months after turning 16. I’m glad she had the opportunity to experience sexual bliss and having orgasms. She already missed out so many other things.. graduation, college, her wedding (if she chose to do so), children one day. To deny her the chance to experience sex just because she wasn’t married seemed very unfair. And I know people who got married just so they could have sex and they were/are not happy. Why should one have anything to do with the other?

So as we both learned about Witchcraft and sex. we both opened our minds and horizons to the possibilities that both held for us. I wish she was still here to share these new things I’m learning. I have no doubt she would be a kinky little witch too.

************

Witches often face the same kinds of discrimination that sexually active women face….

“Every year, thousands of women around the world (if not more) are accused, harassed, humiliated, paraded around naked, and killed for being “witches”. From the African Congo to parts of India, New Guinea, and Saudi Arabia (where witchcraft is still legally punishable by death), innocent herbal healers and doctors, midwives and mothers, are being violently murdered for their “witchcraft”.

These women belong to all socio-economic status and levels of education, yet, they are senselessly killed because they turned down the advances of men. Or their crops mysteriously yielded a greater harvest than those of their neighbors. Or because they cured someone who was believed to be on the verge of death. Or they accurately anticipated a storm, or the sex of an unborn child, or had become the target of envy in their village.

And sometimes, just sometimes, a murdered woman’s only “crime” was that she was just too beautiful. The kind of beauty that imbibes luscious powers of seduction so tempting and irresistible they must be the result of sorcery, spell-casting or witchy potions. What else could it be, right? Feminine lure is the product of evil. So let’s destroy it.”

“They say when a witch lets her hair loose, she unleashes tornadoes and hurricanes, and causes comets to fly through the sky and volcanos to erupt. The middle ages were full of such beliefs, residue from the ancient world, when women followed the apostle Paul. He warns us in his epistle to the Corinthians that a female’s head should be covered, lest the mischief of lusty demons be fueled by her beautiful, long hair.”

Witches are exciting emblems of sexual might and magic.

They honor and respect erotic energy in themselves, those around them, and the universe. Witches stand in opposition to puritanical fears that encourage the repression of our natural sexuality, representing rebellion, and freedom. Witches wear their natural beauty without shame or inhibitions. Witches let their hair fly wild and free.”

Seduction, Witches & Long Hair.

A Message from Mariah

I felt like I was standing on a precipice, wondering where to go from here. I feel like I have restless leg syndrome all over and my skin is literally crawling. I need to get up and walk and eventually need to take a shower, to try to quiet down the muscle and nerves that feel so active.

I seek a therapist, a guide, to help me cope with this uncomfortable human body I inhabit.

I find a woman wearing a dark blue Celtic pagan cloak, a royal blue shawl covering her head and a sheer light blue Islamic veil covering her face. Only the pale blue eyes of my daughter looks at me, watches me, and talks to me.

1bluecloak

I call her Mariah, from the movie “Paint Your Wagon”.. as she as the lightness and power of the wind. It’s obvious to me that she wears blue since I need the healing of that color right now. But I also understand the spirituality, the religious context that she invokes with the various colors of blue.

She speaks to me with her eyes…

Are you lost?

No

Are you scared?

No

Are you confined?

Yes

Why am I here and what is my purpose? I’ve asked this question so many times before. I look to my guides for guidance, and others look to me a kind of guidance.. an answer, a direction.

Mariah closes her eyes and then opens them again… her pale blue eyes now a little deeper, more intense.

She tells me very directly…

You can’t lead someone to the light, they have to search for it themselves. You cannot help someone find salvation, they must discover it for themselves. And you can’t direct the path someone takes, they must make the journey on their own.

The path may take them on a vertical climb, or they may choose to make a running jump to soar the skies, or it may be simply sitting quietly on a velvet cushion to contemplate the journey.

There is no right or wrong way to make this journey. One is not better or higher than another. There are no levels of hierarchy of power, not in the spirit world and not in the physical world. Those who believe there are lower realm entities, do so to feel better and higher about themselves. Every soul has the same rights and responsibilities in life, death and rebirth. Money is not power. Looks are not power. Control is not power. They are all illusions that help those with low self esteem to feel better about themselves. Self esteem is an inner condition, and no amount of money or attention while make negative self reflection better unless, and until, the internal mental and emotional issues are healed. Religious beliefs fall into these same traps.

Do people believe what they believe because it something they have studied and meditated and discover that what they believe is their own personal truth, that what they feel, think and believe mesh into one?

Or do people believe what they believe because they’ve been told
that the teachings of their church, temple or circle that insists it is the truth, and to not believe is to lack faith?

Do they believe because of fear, apathy, security or ease? And in doing so do they feel uncomfortable when others don’t share that same faith or challenge their beliefs? Do they become so scared at that possibility that they feel they have to criticize and condemn other beliefs so that they can feel good about their own? And if they can convince you to share in their beliefs then they don’t have to try to justify it and they can finally relax again.

I think about this and know that I agree. In our town there is a church who spends a lot of money trying to convince people to give up the religion they have been following by saying “Why not just simply be a Christian?” I say, ‘why not just simply be accepting of other beliefs and use your money and time to help others instead of condemning them?’

Then maybe we can all come together to work together to truly make a difference and try make this world a better place.

Mariah laughs and the sound reminds me of the tinkling of crystals and the giggling of pixies.

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force him to drink.”

Interesting analogy since the white horse is one of my spirit guides and water is my element.

I take that to mean that you can be available to answer questions and provide information if asked, but if you force the horse’s nose into the water you will probably end up drowning the animal instead of quenching his thirst. He has to want to drink the water in order to benefit from it.

Classy Women

I saw a meme last night that said “Classy women don’t expose their bodies just to get a man”… I wrote back to the site that posted it and said, “no, classy women don’t judge others. Being classy isn’t dependent on what a woman wears, it depends on how she treats others.”